Here it is, short and sweet. No choosing teams, no Dark or Light. Just all three movies, all the time.
Drinking Rules For the Whole Trilogy
Take a Sip Whenever…
Stormtroopers manage to not hit something right in front of them
There’s an explosion in space
Someone mentions “the Force”
There’s an old-fashioned screen wipe
There’s a shot that features sound in space
A line could conceivably be used in a porno
Han calls Luke “Kid”
Han refers to the Millennium Falcon as though it is his woman
Take a Drink Whenever…
Someone communicates with someone through the Force
Someone says “It’s not my fault”
Someone says “I’ve got a bad feeling about this”
There’s twincest
R2-D2 plugs into something (see above for rules about porno)
Someone loses a body part (includes droids)
Someone mentions “destiny”
There’s a shot of a pilot going down in flames as his cockpit crumples around him
Someone is inexplicably racist against Chewie (this includes line of dialogue, insults, random petting, etc.)
It seems likely that R2-D2 is saying something obscene/derogatory
Stormtroopers are gamely trying to run in that armor
Finish Your Drink Whenever…
Someone chokes someone else (this is not limited to Darth Vader)
Someone mispronounces a name (drink twice if the character whose name is mispronounced is in the scene and doesn’t bat an eye).
The Millennium Falcon‘s lightspeed doesn’t work
You hear the Wilhelm Scream
A Stormtrooper hits whatever he’s shooting at
A Force power is shown onscreen for the first time
You see a woman that isn’t Leia or a POC that isn’t Lando
A planet is shown or mentioned that only has one type of climate or topical characteristic
Drinking Rules for A New Hope
Take a Sip Whenever…
A Stormtrooper dies
Grand Moff Tarkin rolls his “R”s for an unnecessary amount of time
Characters use their headsets to communicate (includes helmet coms)
Luke’s a whiny little bitch
C-3PO verbally abuses R2-D2
Alec Guinness looks like he regrets his life choices
Han gives an order
Take a Drink Whenever…
Someone mentions the “plans”
A Stormtrooper fails at a basic, common sense task during a battle, guard duty, a search, or interrogation
Vader senses something through the Force
Someone makes derisive comments about the Force
Someone boasts about how awesome the Death Star is
Someone says something derisive or insulting about the Millennium Falcon
A lightsaber gets activated
C-3PO mentions his programming
Someone uses a hand-held comlink
A character speaks negatively of Obi-Wan Kenobi
Finish Your Drink Whenever…
A Stormtrooper actually succeeds at a task (onscreen or mentioned/implied)
C-3PO is nice to R2-D2
A character with a full name is killed (and if you’re bitching that you know all their full names, then you deserve to be drinking more)
Drinking Rules for Empire Strikes Back
Take a Sip Whenever…
A Star Destroyer fires at the Millennium Falcon
Someone calls Darth Vader “My Lord”
An asteroid hits something
Luke complains that something is too hard
Han calls Leia something other than her name
A character is seen working on the Millennium Falcon
Take a Drink Whenever…
Admiral Piett looks like he’s about to shit himself with fear
Anyone mentions a planetary “system”
An AT-AT is destroyed
A lightsaber gets activated
Chewie freaks out over something
A droid other than C-3PO or R2-D2 speaks
Actors are clearly pretending to be knocked off-balance
Finish Your Drink Whenever…
Someone pulls an object to them using the Force
Vader is sitting down
Obi-Wan appears as a ghost
C-3PO mentions the odds
Drinking Rules For Return of the Jedi
Take a Sip Whenever…
Luke deflects a blaster bolt with his lightsaber
Jabba laughs
Any character discusses the status of the shield around the Death Star
“The Imperial March” begins to play
The Emperor says “Good”
A Stormtrooper is defeated by something other than a blaster or lightsaber
Take a Drink Whenever…
A ship or manned vehicle belonging to the Rebels gets destroyed
Someone points a weapon at Leia
Someone infiltrates Jabba’s palace
Luke appeals to Vader’s good side
Someone lands in the Sarlaac Pit.
The Death Star Fires
A ship or manned vehicle belonging to the Empire gets destroyed
The Emperor tries to convince Luke to give in to the Dark Side
Finish a Drink Whenever…
Leia changes her hairstyle
Luke lets himself be taken prisoner
Stormtroopers line up for the sole purpose of welcoming in a new shuttle
You see an Ewok die
Special Edition
Sip if there’s a small change in an established scene
Take a drink whenever Darth Vader’s lines have been changed
Take a drink if there’s really shitty CGI that sure didn’t age well past 2003
Finish your drink if there’s a new or extended scene
If a character from the old films has been replaced with a new actor from the later films, chug until the image no longer burns in your retinas.
Can’t Keep Your Mouth Shut
Take a sip anytime you find yourself humming along with the soundtrack
Take a drink anytime you tell the room trivia about the film
Take a drink anytime you quote along with the film
Take a drink anytime you point out a blooper
Take a drink anytime you point out a Special Edition change
Finish your drink anytime you inaccurately quote along with the film
Finish your drink if you reference the prequels or the extended universe
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