All the Rules

Here it is, short and sweet. No choosing teams, no Dark or Light. Just all three movies, all the time.

Drinking Rules For the Whole Trilogy

Take a Sip Whenever…

Stormtroopers manage to not hit something right in front of them

There’s an explosion in space

Someone mentions  “the Force”

There’s an old-fashioned screen wipe

There’s a shot that features sound in space

A line could conceivably be used in a porno

Han calls Luke “Kid”

Han refers to the Millennium Falcon as though it is his woman


Take a Drink Whenever…

Someone communicates with someone through the Force

Someone says “It’s not my fault”

Someone says “I’ve got a bad feeling about this”

There’s twincest

R2-D2 plugs into something (see above for rules about porno)

Someone loses a body part (includes droids)

Someone mentions “destiny”

There’s a shot of a pilot going down in flames as his cockpit crumples around him

Someone is inexplicably racist against Chewie (this includes line of dialogue, insults, random petting, etc.)

It seems likely that R2-D2 is saying something obscene/derogatory

Stormtroopers are gamely trying to run in that armor


Finish Your Drink Whenever…

Someone chokes someone else (this is not limited to Darth Vader)

Someone mispronounces a name (drink twice if the character whose name is mispronounced is in the scene and doesn’t bat an eye).

The Millennium Falcon‘s lightspeed doesn’t work

You hear the Wilhelm Scream

A Stormtrooper hits whatever he’s shooting at

A Force power is shown onscreen for the first time

You see a woman that isn’t Leia or a POC that isn’t Lando

A planet is shown or mentioned that only has one type of climate or topical characteristic


Drinking Rules for A New Hope

Take a Sip Whenever…

A Stormtrooper dies

Grand Moff Tarkin rolls his “R”s for an unnecessary amount of time

Characters use their headsets to communicate (includes helmet coms)

Luke’s a whiny little bitch

C-3PO verbally abuses R2-D2

Alec Guinness looks like he regrets his life choices

Han gives an order

Take a Drink Whenever…

Someone mentions the “plans”

A Stormtrooper fails at a basic, common sense task during a battle, guard duty, a search, or interrogation

Vader senses something through the Force

Someone makes derisive comments about the Force

Someone boasts about how awesome the Death Star is

Someone says something derisive or insulting about the Millennium Falcon

A lightsaber gets activated

C-3PO mentions his programming

Someone uses a hand-held comlink

A character speaks negatively of Obi-Wan Kenobi


Finish Your Drink Whenever…

A Stormtrooper actually succeeds at a task (onscreen or mentioned/implied)

C-3PO is nice to R2-D2

A character with a full name is killed (and if you’re bitching that you know all their full names, then you deserve to be drinking more)


Drinking Rules for Empire Strikes Back

Take a Sip Whenever…

A Star Destroyer fires at the Millennium Falcon

Someone calls Darth Vader “My Lord”

An asteroid hits something

Luke complains that something is too hard

Han calls Leia something other than her name

A character is seen working on the Millennium Falcon

Take a Drink Whenever…

Admiral Piett looks like he’s about to shit himself with fear

Anyone mentions a planetary “system”

An AT-AT is destroyed

A lightsaber gets activated

Chewie freaks out over something

A droid other than C-3PO or R2-D2 speaks

Actors are clearly pretending to be knocked off-balance


Finish Your Drink Whenever…

Someone pulls an object to them using the Force

Vader is sitting down

Obi-Wan appears as a ghost

C-3PO mentions the odds


Drinking Rules For Return of the Jedi

Take a Sip Whenever…

Luke deflects a blaster bolt with his lightsaber

Jabba laughs

Any character discusses the status of the shield around the Death Star

“The Imperial March” begins to play

The Emperor says “Good”

A Stormtrooper is defeated by something other than a blaster or lightsaber


Take a Drink Whenever…

A ship or manned vehicle belonging to the Rebels gets destroyed

Someone points a weapon at Leia

Someone infiltrates Jabba’s palace

Luke appeals to Vader’s good side

Someone lands in the Sarlaac Pit.

The Death Star Fires

A ship or manned vehicle belonging to the Empire gets destroyed

The Emperor tries to convince Luke to give in to the Dark Side


Finish a Drink Whenever…

Leia changes her hairstyle

Luke lets himself be taken prisoner

Stormtroopers line up for the sole purpose of welcoming in a new shuttle

You see an Ewok die


Special Edition

Sip if there’s a small change in an established scene

Take a drink whenever Darth Vader’s lines have been changed

Take a drink if there’s really shitty CGI that sure didn’t age well past 2003

Finish your drink if there’s a new or extended scene

If a character from the old films has been replaced with a new actor from the later films, chug until the image no longer burns in your retinas.


Can’t Keep Your Mouth Shut

Take a sip anytime you find yourself humming along with the soundtrack

Take a drink anytime you tell the room trivia about the film

Take a drink anytime you quote along with the film

Take a drink anytime you point out a blooper

Take a drink anytime you point out a Special Edition change

Finish your drink anytime you inaccurately quote along with the film

Finish your drink if you reference the prequels or the extended universe


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